Are you having a low energy day?
Most people don’t know this, but I have some major self-doubt issues that come up in regards to my voice. When I confided in my vocal teacher about this, she was shocked. She said it was hard to believe that someone with my voice and my success and reviews would have those doubts. But I have them, and I have them in spades. I can just get so down on myself if I have a day where I can’t hit notes easily, I think “oh no! I’ve lost the touch, it’s all over”. If I am having trouble reaching notes that have been previously outside of my range, I think “I am horrible at this. Who am I kidding?” If I have a bad take in the recording booth I think, “This is going SO badly!” Yes, I know these are counterproductive thoughts and that they aren’t very accurate. But they are there, and so I have to constantly work to tame them. Especially at a time (like now) when I am working hard to get ready for recording and playing new shows.
At my last voice lesson (and today), I was having what I call a “Bad Voice Day” (much like a bad hair day, but much, much worse). My vocal teacher showed me, though, that I can sing through my doubts and through the struggles to get to my solid voice again. She suggested that I stop calling them “bad voice days” and instead refer to them more kindly as “low energy days”. This does help a bit. And I do know I am a fighter and can get through low energy days and much worse. But still, there are times I get tired of fighting.
In my self-doubt downward spiral today I also managed to compare myself to a whole bunch of different artists I saw on MySpace while doing my daily promotional work. This business seems almost designed to make one compare themselves to others—all of the focus on album sales charts, reviews, awards, and harsh talk about who we like and don’t and who has talent and who doesn’t. Most days, I am able to shrug this all off and know that all of that stuff is unimportant and fleeting. But on my low energy days, I have to admit, it gets me down.
I’m sure I will feel better tomorrow. It’s just a part of life as an artist.
January 17th, 2008 at 7:47 am
Ahhhhhh, Laura! All I have to say about this is that is crazy!
When recording, having bad feelings about your ability will seriously compromise the performance and emotion! It is self sabotage. I know you usually want every note perfect before I work on it, but when you botch a note, I think you should just go, “Oh well, Jarome can fix that one” so you can continue focusing on the emotion and feeling rather than feel bad. That is why they made technology. Point being: Emotion is key.
And sales charts, reviews, and awards don’t matter anymore, so you don’t have to worry sbout all that anymore! All that really matters is what your audience thinks of your music.
If you don’t believe me, it’s right here:
http://newmusicstrategies.com/2007/08/31/more-stuff-thats-still-true/
January 17th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Hi Jarome. Thanks for your thoughts. Yes, I know all that you said is true. But I’m relating how all that stuff can be true, but still an artist can feel down and affected by it all. It’s just part of the journey, and as I document my journey on this blog, I’m taking risks and including it all—good and bad. And you are right that I don’t like to have my voice “fixed”. I know all artists do that now, but I try to avoid it and keep it natural as much as possible, I just like it better that way.
January 17th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Self doubt is a part of growing. Just know that you are not alone and that your friends will probably think that you are crazy for having doubt like this, but I can relate. It IS like having a bad hair day. I love reading your blogs because I can relate to what you say on so many levels. You rule!
Oh, and btw, you ARE crazy.
January 18th, 2008 at 2:32 am
Aw Laura, you should give me a call when this happens! I am known for my pep talks. You know, with your heart and determination you will never lose your gift. And keep in mind that there is plenty of the room in the world for talented singers, but you got the whole package - the lyrics, heart, and skill that set you apart. Rock on being you (and I don’t thing you are CR8Z). Luvees! -e
January 18th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
Thanks so much, Shogo! I’m happy you can identify with it and thanks for your encouragement. YOU rule :).
And thanks so much, Erin! You are a sweet pea and your love and encouragement mean so much to me! And yes, your pep talks do rule, especially since they often include some type of dance move when you get excited about things.
January 18th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
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