Laura Harley

Well, my interview on “Your Mac Life” has been pushed to next week (Wednesday, February 6th, at 9:20pm Eastern US time). It turns out that, like me, the hosts got sick and so they are behind on their schedule. And since I still sound like a little frog with a big cough is living in my throat, I am feeling very relieved!

It worked out quite well.

As much of a bummer as it can be to be sick, I’ve actually been feeling thankful for getting sick when I did. In an earlier post I’d mentioned that I’m working on coming from a more peaceful inner place more of the time. I came down with this flu thing (which mainly just makes you very tired and cough a lot) a couple days after making that promise to myself. Because the new path was fresh in my mind, I found myself thinking about it a lot as I rested. If I had just gone rushing back into my normal life after having that realization, I think I wouldn’t have been able to keep my learning going and continued to be as committed to it. Being sick MAKES you stay slowed down and more peaceful, whether you want to or not.

And I’ve noticed that I’ve been able to approach being sick in a different way this time. Usually when I get sick, I find myself sort of railing and struggling against it. I find myself thinking “I cannot be sick! I have way too much to do!” and then I spend most of my time “resting” in a very unrestful mental state. This time is a little different. I don’t have any less to do, in fact I have more than usual to do, but I’m finding that I’m able to just go with the flow more. There is nothing I can do to “force” myself to be better. I just need to take care of myself and let it takes its course.

And how about this for a revelation: as long as I have to rest more than usual, how about I actually let myself ENJOY it??!! So, that’s just what I’ve been doing. Instead of worrying, I’ve been reminding myself that it will all work out fine. Instead of going through my mental “to-do” list while lying on the couch watching TV, I’ve been letting myself rest and enjoy some of the shows I’ve seen (usually they are on the Food Network—I LOVE cooking shows!). It feels good and it probably will lead to me getting better sooner.

I still can’t sing, but I have been practicing piano in between working on my laptop and croaking my way through phone meetings. It feels great to get my hands back on the keys! Looking forward to being totally well so I can sing and exercise and get back to more of what I love. One day at a time…

Well, I am still recovering from my cold/ flu thingy (I think it is the one almost everyone has). As I do work from home, I’m reflecting on some of the exciting things that are coming up for me.

On Wednesday, I’ll be appearing on the “Your Mac Life” podcast. The host saw my video of my home studio and invited me to be interviewed about it on his show. You can hear it live at their site between 8:30pm-11pm Eastern US time, or else you can listen to it on their site anytime after that.

And in a few weeks I’ll be back in L.A. On this trip, I’ll be playing some shows, and I’ll also be doing some recording! I’ll be working with some musicians to lay down tracks for an EP that I hope to release in the Spring/ Summer. I am REALLY looking forward to it. And, as usual, I will take you with me through my blog and videoblogs.

And a new release on the horizon means new photos, lots of live shows, lots of connecting with new people, and many more things.

I had better rest up to get ready for all of it!

As you know, I’ve been working on slowing it on down this past week while I’ve been visiting family. Well, that slowing down slowed WAY down when I caught a bad cold a couple of days ago. Several family members had it and with eating together and being together all day, catching it was sort of unavoidable (and totally worth it because they are all so wonderful). So yesterday when the baby went down for a nap, I did too. And I woke up THREE HOURS later! Goodness gracious. By the time I woke up the baby had been up long enough to build a “mountain” out of legos (which also somehow involved a hippopotamus), play under the dining room table for a while, and have a cheese stick (her fave snack).

The cold also has me in a sort of slow motion time warp—-you know how that is when you are sick and feel out of it? But that driver part of me that likes to make me work past the point of being healthy can still get around that somehow. Last night my husband could see I was super tired, so he “sent” me to bed early. He came upstairs to check on me and found me in my jammies in bed on my laptop returning emails. Oops. I’m glad he took away the laptop and turned out the light. Sometimes I need a little help like that.

So, now I am home in Minneapolis and will be catching up on work here. But I’ll be trying to do it in a balanced way so that I can get well. It is the kind of cold that makes you lose your voice intermittently, so I guess singing will have to wait for a few more days…

I mentioned before that I am in Virginia visiting family right now. It has been lovely seeing everyone. It has also been great to have a slower pace of life for a few days.

It has also been challenging to have a slower pace of life for a few days. I didn’t expect to have so much down time while I was here. It is something I welcome because my pace of life is beyond hectic. But because I have so little down time and am used to running a mile a minute, I find that I can forget how to be quiet and have down time. The last couple days, whenever I had a moment to just sit and be, I noticed that I started feeling sort of panic-stricken. My mind would race through all the work I need to do. But then I was able quiet my mind by reminding myself that it wasn’t time to do all that work now, it was time to relax and be with family. But a few moments later, I’d feel all anxious again and my heart felt like it was racing.

I’ve always been an anxious person, a worrier. And if I don’t keep on top of it and meditate and relax regularly, I get into an unhealthy state. So, being quiet here has made me realize I’ve not been keeping on top of it. In fact, I’ve been doing a pretty good job of neglecting my needs and being harsh with myself. I am really good at convincing myself that I can handle lot of stress and be super busy and be fine. To some extent this is true, but then when I have down time and feel panic-y, I realize that that mind set has taken a toll.

So, this down time has reminded me to be more kind to myself. I’ve been doing some thinking and writing about how I often unconsciously think from a “deficit” place—for example, “I haven’t gotten everything done yet”, “This doesn’t sound good enough yet”, “I haven’t done enough”, “I haven’t proven myself or done well enough yet”, etc. That kind of thinking is so harsh and unhelpful. So, I’ve decided to work on coming from a place of contentment and appreciation for what I have and what I’ve done. Then, I can build on that from a place of joy and calm, rather than worry and fear. Undoubtedly, this will be very challenging for me. But it also feels really right. What a relief to have a moment of peace! Funny how I didn’t even realize how badly I needed it.

Right now I am in Virginia visiting family. It is great to see everyone! I have several adorable nieces and nephews. Today I talked with my one of my nieces about High School Musical and went on a tour of a “pet store” my nephews set up in their house with stuffed animals. They called it “Pet-o-rama” and when I was there I “bought” a dog after consulting with them about the best pet for me. They had lots of great information about all of the animals and provided excellent customer service.

It’s also nice to be away from work (for the most part) and have a different pace of life for a few days. I’m still doing some work from here as I can, but what I can’t do is practice my singing and piano. I’m having withdrawal!! I feel so motivated right now and have been hitting a flow with it, so I’m wishing I could play. But, absence makes the heart grow fonder, as they say, so I’m sure I will have an epic reunion with my keyboard when I get home. Sigh.

Things were a whirlwind before I left, trying to cram as much into my time as I could. I managed to get out to see a show I’d been exctied about for some time in Minneapolis at one of my favorite venues, The Bryant Lake Bowl. I saw Bella Koshka for their CD release show and Ghosts in the Water opened for them. These are two excellent bands you should most definitely check out. Going to shows is so fun for me because it gives me all kinds of ideas for my songs and shows. And its just great to see people who are great at what they do playing and really enjoying it.

OK, off for some more family fun.

In my last post I wrote about the ups and downs of being an artist. I think it’s important to share about the struggles, because all artists (and all people in general) have them and I actually think it lends even more meaning and depth to the music they create. In my side work as a life coach, I work with artists on issues of self-doubt, etc. A LOT. It is very rich and interesting territory because it requires artists to step more strongly into who they are, what they want, and what is most important to them. Of course when I work with others, I can sound like an “expert” on this, but the truth is that one can know all these things but still be affected by them. Things are always much more challenging when you work on them from the inside out. But working with artists on this and knowing what I do definitely helps me to get through my own down times.

Yesterday I was feeling better but still a little low. So, I decided to sit myself down and remind myself of all the reasons why I love making music—the satisfaction of writing a great pop song, the thrill of making a song that gives you goose bumps as it rides through choruses and the kind of bridge that makes you want more, the honor of having people use songs I’ve written to get through difficult times, the joy of connecting deeply with people, etc. Then I reminded myself to be easy and compassionate with myself and to just have fun with it as I try new and challenging things. This helped and I’m happy to report that I had some breakthroughs with my vocal development yesterday! And do you know what? I had FUN doing it! Woo-hoo!

I also went to a show at the Uptown in Minneapolis last night because getting out to see other artists is usually a great way for me to rekindle my admiration for music and being an artist. I appreciate seeing artists play live so much because I know just how much time and effort and dedication goes into it. I saw a couple of great bands that you should totally check out: The Illness Project (they create layers of sound and texture and beautiful melodies, they remind me a bit of Halloween, Alaska, but they have their own unique sound) and The Brutes (very fun to see live, influenced by Interpol but with their own take on it and own brand of strong songwriting).

OK, off to do some more singing!

Most people don’t know this, but I have some major self-doubt issues that come up in regards to my voice. When I confided in my vocal teacher about this, she was shocked. She said it was hard to believe that someone with my voice and my success and reviews would have those doubts. But I have them, and I have them in spades. I can just get so down on myself if I have a day where I can’t hit notes easily, I think “oh no! I’ve lost the touch, it’s all over”. If I am having trouble reaching notes that have been previously outside of my range, I think “I am horrible at this. Who am I kidding?” If I have a bad take in the recording booth I think, “This is going SO badly!” Yes, I know these are counterproductive thoughts and that they aren’t very accurate. But they are there, and so I have to constantly work to tame them. Especially at a time (like now) when I am working hard to get ready for recording and playing new shows.

At my last voice lesson (and today), I was having what I call a “Bad Voice Day” (much like a bad hair day, but much, much worse). My vocal teacher showed me, though, that I can sing through my doubts and through the struggles to get to my solid voice again. She suggested that I stop calling them “bad voice days” and instead refer to them more kindly as “low energy days”. This does help a bit. And I do know I am a fighter and can get through low energy days and much worse. But still, there are times I get tired of fighting.

In my self-doubt downward spiral today I also managed to compare myself to a whole bunch of different artists I saw on MySpace while doing my daily promotional work. This business seems almost designed to make one compare themselves to others—all of the focus on album sales charts, reviews, awards, and harsh talk about who we like and don’t and who has talent and who doesn’t. Most days, I am able to shrug this all off and know that all of that stuff is unimportant and fleeting. But on my low energy days, I have to admit, it gets me down.

I’m sure I will feel better tomorrow. It’s just a part of life as an artist.

I’ve been working on my Spanish skills a lot lately. I took Spanish in high school and got pretty darn good at it, but then had a long time away from it. I’ve been listening to some Spanish CDs and it is so fun to refresh my memory and rediscover this beautiful language. I’m refreshing my Spanish for a few reasons, but one of the most important is to be able to connect with more people.

I’m working with some friends on a service project to offer children’s virtues classes and ESL-type classes to women and their families here that only speak Spanish. Today my task was to call some of the women and invite them to the first classes. They were very patient with me and I stumbled through enough Spanish to communicate the necessary information. It surprised me how nervous I got to call people I’d never met before who speak a different language. I was like, “oh no what if I freeze and don’t know what to say or they tell me my Spanish is terrible and hang up on me??” But I decided I was being silly, so I worked up the courage and dialed. They were very kind. I’m excited to meet them in person this weekend.

Speaking Spanish feels very musical to me—-when I speak it I need to slur my words together more than I do when speaking English and the slurring, rhythm, and feel of the words reminds me of singing. What a beautiful language! I’m looking forward to speaking it more and getting better at it. It feels a lot like taking voice lessons and playing shows—the learning and practicing of each word, the courage it takes to speak or sing in front of others, and the vulnerability that it takes to do that. Both experiences are challenging and rewarding. Cool!